{"id":7516,"date":"2023-05-08T01:06:51","date_gmt":"2023-05-08T01:06:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elitlaw.com.au\/?p=7516"},"modified":"2023-06-01T01:36:25","modified_gmt":"2023-06-01T01:36:25","slug":"how-to-find-a-husband-letter-to-barrister-a-reminder-of-ongoing-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elitlaw.com.au\/how-to-find-a-husband-letter-to-barrister-a-reminder-of-ongoing-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018How to find a husband\u2019 letter to barrister a reminder of ongoing issues"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently, a UK-based junior barrister shared a \u201cmisogynistic\u201d letter she received from another lawyer, which detailed how she should go about finding a husband. Here, award-winning women lawyers recount how gendered prejudice remains all too common in the legal profession, including in Australia, and how it can be eradicated.<\/h4>\n

Earlier this year, a US-based lawyer received a text message from a now-former colleague accusing her of \u201ccollecting salary while sitting on your ass\u201d.<\/p>\n

The message was posted on LinkedIn by a third lawyer, close to the recipient, which went viral. The incident underscored just how far the legal profession has to go in not just achieving gender equality but in stamping out sociocultural attitudes and norms that have prevailed in legal workplaces for years.<\/p>\n

As reported by Lawyers Weekly late last week, the legal profession in Australia now boasts more than 90,000 practising solicitors, with women making up the majority not just across all jurisdictions but across the myriad demographics of practice, including in-house and government.<\/p>\n

As Law Society of NSW chief executive Sonja Stewart put it, in conversation with Lawyers Weekly, Australian solicitors are now \u201cyounger, more female, and they\u2019re more diverse\u201d.<\/p>\n

However, as numerous award-winning women lawyers tell Lawyers Weekly, such attitudes haven\u2019t gone away just yet. In fact, there remains a commonality of experience that makes the latest viral incident wholly unsurprising.<\/p>\n

The LinkedIn message and viral social media post<\/h5>\n

On Monday, 1 May, Alexandra Wilson, a junior barrister based in the United Kingdom, posted on Twitter a three-page personalised letter that she received on LinkedIn from another lawyer, which purported to offer advice on how to find a husband.<\/p>\n

Ms Wilson is an Oxford graduate who was called to the bar in 2018 and has won multiple scholarships, along with being a vocal campaigner for ethnic minorities.<\/p>\n

In a tweet that \u2014 as of the time of filing this story \u2014 has been viewed almost 90,000 times on Twitter, Ms Wilson shared a letter from another lawyer telling her \u201cHow to Find a Husband\u201d.<\/p>\n

She described the letter, in her Twitter post, as \u201cmisogynistic, homophobic and unsolicited\u201d.<\/p>\n

The 4PB family barrister also noted that it was \u201cweird\u201d and \u201cslightly scary how much time appears to have gone into this\u201d, with the letter going into lengthy detail on how she should go about finding a husband.<\/p>\n

In the first paragraph, the unnamed lawyer refers to \u201cthe many challenges our young women encounter when coming up in the profession, while, at the same time trying to secure for themselves a loving family life through marriage\u201d.<\/p>\n

The lawyer continued: \u201cMany of our brilliant young women \u2026 have an uphill struggle in this area, but with careful thought, planning, strategic movement, and the wise counsel of those who have successfully gone before on this path, the challenges can be surmounted.\u201d<\/p>\n

The lawyer then noted that a young woman in her mid- to late 20s \u201cshould be painfully careful to look out for a suitable person\u201d, noting that there \u201cis still hope for those who have passed these age brackets, although the pool of eligible single young men diminishes the older a woman becomes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo get a good candidate, look out for someone \u2026 who would not be threatened by your professional accomplishments,\u201d he advised Ms Wilson.<\/p>\n

The unnamed lawyer also commented on how to go about intimacy: \u201cIf the relationship is to go anywhere good (and someone who loves you will not be in a hurry to get too intimate, they will be willing to wait for the right time) and no long courtship either, that leads to manipulation, relationship abuse and, in the end, heartbreak.\u201d<\/p>\n

He also added: \u201cDevelop some cooking skills too! \u2026 that skill will serve you well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you are intelligent enough to acquire your professional skills, you are good enough to become a little \u2018master chef\u2019, and a loving spouse will always appreciate this \u2018hidden talent\u2019,\u201d the lawyer advised Ms Wilson.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would certainly earn you bragging rights.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have seen a number of our girls who have put their career of marriage and family life as \u2018career minded\u2019 women. It does NOT end well,\u201d the letter read.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe feminist advocates campaigning against the traditional family life\/marriage are nowhere to be found at this time of painful reflections and folks are left to bear the consequences of their ill-advised choices alone without any relief.<\/p>\n

\u201cA career pursuit should be in addition to the richness that a loving family brings, and not at its expense.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gender-based prejudice persists for professional women<\/h5>\n

Sapphire Parsons, a senior associate at Macpherson Kelley and winner of the 2022 Rising Star of the Year category at the Women in Law Awards, spoke to Lawyers Weekly about the letter.<\/p>\n

It would be outrageous to send \u201cMr Wilson\u201d a letter telling him to find a wife who is not threatened by his accomplishments, Ms Parsons highlighted.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe lawyer\u2019s letter is poisonously laced with dangerous societal assumptions such as \u2018all women should get married\u2019 and \u2018women will be miserable if they do not get married and have children\u2019,\u201d commented Ms Parsons.<\/p>\n

Ms Parsons, an African-Australian woman, discussed how such assertions in the legal profession are alive and well.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs a young lawyer, I\u2019ve been told that I would make a bad wife and mother because I would be too committed to my career and would be at risk of leaving home while children are asleep to attend work events,\u201d she told Lawyers Weekly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn my mind, being a good lawyer and a good mother are not mutually exclusive.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSimilarly, some of my earliest experiences of gendered violence occurred because I applied for jobs without permission from former partners, with elevated violence occurring shortly after professional success,\u201d Ms Parsons explained.<\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed,\u201d continued Ms Parsons, \u201cgender norms perpetuate coercive control and increase the risk of gendered violence\u201d.<\/p>\n

Danielle Snell<\/a>, managing director and co-founder of Elit Lawyers \u2014 which won Boutique Law Firm of the Year at the 2022 Australian Law Awards \u2014 spoke about the commonality of the issue.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is common for me to speak to lawyers who have personally experienced sexual harassment while working in the legal sector during the course of their career,\u201d highlighted Ms Snell.<\/p>\n

\u201cDespite the incredible work done to advance women in the legal sector, sexual harassment does still happen in law firms, and it disproportionally affects women,\u201d she explained.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiven the hierarchical form of law firms, there is commonly a power imbalance between the harasser and the victim when it comes to sexual harassment in law firms, and this can then lead to barriers around the reporting of sexual harassment.\u201d<\/p>\n

How we can change the narrative<\/p>\n

Ms Parsons noted that fostering a positive and respectful workplace culture, where appropriate standards of behaviour are set, modelled, and enforced, is essential to reducing the risks of harmful workplace behaviours that perpetuate gender inequality.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmployees have a personal responsibility to reflect positive and inclusive behaviour in the workplace,\u201d she highlighted.<\/p>\n

Ms Parsons outlined several proactive steps employees can take:<\/p>\n